Did you know Chef Boyardee was a real fellow? For real. And his real handle was Ettore (Hector) Boiardi. He had a restaurant in Cleveland; Il Giardino d’Italia. He swam in success because many liked his sauce. Sorry. And what does this have to do with the price of pasta?
Last night, I celebrated calibrating the thermostat, which clues the furnace, that fights off the Hawk, that hovers over this Windy City for the better part of the year. It’s a bitter and sad surrender, this turning on of the heat. And a damn fine excuse to drink. And last night I did just that. A swell of sipping whiskey, after filter tip, after out of market football, and post season baseball. Topped off by the new Raveonettes CD. The end result was inevitable.
A world class hangover chased with self recrimination. But I’m feeling better now because I took the cure. I crawled to the kitchen, grasped that can of Chef Boyardee Beef Ravioli, popped the top and forked it down cold. A wonder drug from Con-Agra by way of Cleveland. But I confess creativity is a lagging indicator when it comes to full sobriety, so he’s a re-post from the stone cold of last winter.
It’s too cold to be a commonplace propagandist. Thirty below wind chill requires more flame. So I’m thinking of becoming a professional controversialist. I shall write gingery gossip and white heat harangues. Just thinking about the invectives raises the room temperature. How hard can it be to go all “Coulter” on policy and players and American politics? To hunt and peck riot and riff, a pinky on the caps lock to highlight multitudinous contumelies.
Why be a political snob or a captive to process? Why parse numbers and read hardcover books? Why squint at reams of RSS feeds when you can bull’s eye revilements. How ho-hum is the following:
“We believe it necessary, proper and immensely satisfying to dog politicians. It’s important to howl at their hypocrisy, raise a leg against their pomposity, and bark insistently if you feel they have infringed upon your turf.
“Yet, in doing so, why resort to the methods of the mongrel? Why not measure your quarry with an eye to allowing others to glimpse what has been made clear to you: that you have considered your subject from multiple points of view and that you call into question your opponent’s angle because you’ve come to appreciate where your adversary stands.
“That you do so with faith in our system, a respect for those who choose public participation, and a modicum of manners when circumstance calls for a disagreement.”
That ain’t producing a mess of thermal units now is it? Damn near chilly, in fact. But you know something, that’s how I approach and try to understand politics. And I’m too old to change and too cold to care.